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I stayed at a friends house and her sister had gotten us in trouble in track so we got her back as soon as she fell asleep. First we drew all over her face with eye liner. We drew a uni-brow on her and a mustash. After that, we put a female needs pad on her head with ketchup all over it. Our last trick was a tampon up her nose. When she woke up to go to the bathroom we couldn't help but laugh. We even got a video of when she looked in the mirror. Her face was in shock!
Me and two other guys from my college football team prank called one of our teammates pretending to be NFL coaches. we told him that we were really interested in him and that we though he was a great player. so we told him to come down to giants stadium at 6am in the morning for a tryout with the team. he was so happy and he thanked us for the opportunity. so i called him around 6:30 in the morning, and he said that he was trying to find his way into giants stadium, then he said "why are you calling me so early" and I said "you missed your tyrout". after that he knew it was a prank and he didnt talk to me for a week.
my sister allways gets a porcelain doll for christmas each year. well one christmas, my dad took the doll out of the box and put a key chain in the doll box because my sister allways knew which present was the doll. so when my sister opened the box she read the keychain " not the brightest crayon in the box now are you "
It was about halfway through the fall semester of 2003.
My roommate Toby and I awoke at 6 a.m. It wasn't that we were early risers -- in fact, we shared a 9 a.m. history class that we had attended a combined 10 times or so. But this would be worth it. We were going to pull off a prank that would ruin the life of someone who had tried to ruin mine. The prank was had escalated to the point of being out of anyone's control, but we were going to end it that day.
The prank war had begun at the beginning of the semester with a penny locking.
If you don't know what that is, it's jamming pennies one by one into the door until the door is so pressed that it won't open. Noone knew who had done it, but Jason -- the heel of the prank -- swore revenge. I suppose I would have too if I'd been trapped in my room for four and a half hours.
Sensing the chance for ensued hilarity, the others turned on me. They convinced him over the next few days that it was me. He suspected me automatically anyway and, hey, I don't blame him. I was the most likely suspect.
"He's really serious about getting you back, dude," Toby told me in the cafeteria days later.
"I'm not afraid of Jason," I said, "he knows better than to do anything."
But I was wrong.
Jason waited until I was at my most vulnerable to attack: in the shower.
He snuck in, (with accomplices, I would find out later) took my clothes out of the bathroom and threw them off the balcony, took out all the paper towels and finally pulled all the shower curtains from the showers (including the one I was in) and ran. The others
I held my hands over my junk and charged out of the bathroom, cursing him wildly, and entered the lobby to see that they'd moved all the couches in the living area together, along the back wall and facing the direction they knew I would enter from.
The couches they were full of people. In fact, the whole room was full of people. Girls, guys, many of whom I had never even seen before, all laughing hysterically at me and pointing.
This was a prank that had been in the planning stages for a while, I realized. Toby had been write -- Jason was a wicked guy.
I took it in stride. I walked to my room, red-faced and smiling, cupping my junk as best as I could with one hand and waving good naturedly with the other.
I got to my room and discovered, to my horror, that the door was locked. The SOB had gotten Toby in on it too.
The laughter increased behind me. I went to the room next to mine, only to escape the humiliation. Locked as well. The laughter increased. After trying the third door, I realized I was pointless to try any of the other rooms.
Jason had thought of everything. And he was going to pay.
The blowback from my nakedness in front of 50 people didn't last long. In fact, some of the girls there thought it was so funny they were introducing themselves to me on campus for the rest of the time I was there. I got a few dates out of it.
Toby had been in on the prank, which shocked me because we had alwayd been together. Everytime one of these prank wars broke out, we were always together. We had always played small pranks on each other (like him leaving my name and number on the door dry erase boards of fat girls - that only happened about 15 times), but this is the first time one of us had sided against the other with a group. I knew I had to punish Toby first, because I knew he was waiting for it and I needed him badly on my side.
I didn't need him furious at me, so I did something small. I waited until he was at his girlfriend's house and took a bag of Tostitoes I had laying around. I smashed up the bag of chips while it was still closed, took the sheet and comforter off of his bed and put a nice layer of crushed chips on his mattress. I replaced the comforter and put another layer on top of it, followed by the fitted sheet. I only put a half layer on top of the bed, because I didn't want him to see the chips, and then I haphazardly put the cover sheet over the lower half -- the half with the Tostitos -- and then I waited.
He came in at about 2 in the morning. I was in bed, feigning sleep. I heard him undress and stifled laughter as I heard him getting into bed.
"Kevin, you ****** ******." He said quietly. It took him over an hour to get his bed ready for sleep.
"Alright," I said to him. "We're even now. You know I'm going to need you to get Jason."
"Have you thought of anything yet?"
He laughed. "Is it bad? It's bad, right?"
I laughed too. "Man, it's awful."
I wasn't really that mad at Jason. I mean, I was mad but it was more because I had been so foolish in underestimating him. I was mad at the guys around, though, and -- because I knew the prank war would escalate -- I decided that I needed to come up with a grand finale that would involve everyone on the floor. I also decided that, somehow, I was going to get off scott free. But that would come later. My next prank would only be slightly worse than what he had done to me.
Because pranks are like war -- if you go too far and drop the nuclear bomb before it's warranted, everyone in the damn world will declare war on you.
I had to provoke him into retaliating -- something that would infuriate him and keep the thing going. I wasn't worried, because I was sure he had probably used all his creative energies on the last one. (I was horribly wrong on that count, by the way. We'll get to that later.)
I thought for a few days on my revenge for the shower joke. Everyone on the floor knew that something terrible was going to happen. The tension began to rise. I think everyone eventually felt like campers in a Jason movie or something. I let him stew for three days before calling a planning meeting. Luckily, I got his roommate in on it. As hard as I try, I can't remember that guy's name. I'll just call him roommate.
I found out the next time he had a big test and encouraged the roommate to stay at his girlfriends that night. I found a time when he'd be in class the day before the big test and got the roommate to let me in while he was gone (luckily the roommate was in class too, because there was a part of the prank I hadn't told him about that he wouldn't have approved of)
I got the alarm clocks of everyone I could find (I'd actually been arranging this part for days)
and set each alarm to go off anywhere from 15 minutes to half an hour apart starting at exactly 3 a.m. that night. With 11 alarm clocks in total, I knew this would go down in history.
Then Toby and I hid the alarm clocks everywhere. I put them in his drawers, under his bed, behind the microwave; we hid the things anywhere we knew he'd hear them but knew he wouldn't find them without inspection. I even lifted a panel of composite in the ceiling and hid a couple in there.
Now, the part the roommate wouldn't know about.
I had gone to the store a few days ago and bought a salmon filet. It had been in the sun on my window sill since.
I lifted Jason's mattress and box spring (the bed was hollow for storage) and used duct tape to attach the fish to the underside of the box spring as close to the edge in the corner as I could. I knew that when the smell became too powerful, he'd eventually look under there. I also knew he was unlikely to check the bottom of the box spring and that the closer it was to him when he lifted it, the less likely he'd be to see it. Jeez, I'm a genius. I pushed the mattress and box spring forward, leaving a crack of space at the foot of the bed for the smell to escape.
We were outside his room that night, waiting. At 3 a.m. sharp the first alarm went off. We almost blew the whole thing by laughing.
Toby and I laughed all night long. We didn't get any sleep.
Jason didn't plan his next attack. It was swift and brutal. It had no finesse. It took the prank war from petty revenge to a personal vendetta.
And he didn't even know about the fish yet.
Thinking back, hanging out outside Jason's room and waiting for those alarms to go off is one of the most fun memories I have of college.
It had obviously taken a turn for the worse. Jason's prank (as someone pointed out) was better than mine. But what I had in planning for him in the endgame was going to end the thing once and for all anyway. I just needed to make him escalate it.
I found out through the grapevine that he overslept 45 minutes the next day, hadn't had time to answer all the essay questions and had failed the test. Considering he was premed and the class was in his core curriculum, I figured he'd be a little angry.
"I wouldn't be surprised if he just attacks you the next time you see him," one of the other guys on the floor had said. And I was actually expecting the same. I knew Jason was trying to keep a perfect grade-point average in school.
He didn't even bother to wait -- not even a day to stew and fret a little. Not only that, he didn't even bother to try to hide the fact that it was him. The war was in the open now.
It was about 7 p.m. the night of "Alarm Clock Day" when he struck.
There was a knock at the door. Toby and I were playing NHL on the PS2 (which was on the floor, FYI.)
Less than five minutes later, there was another knock.
"Come in, goddammit!" I screamed. Now, this is where I underestimated Jason again. Assuming he would wait until retaliation, I didn't even have my guard up.
I was muttering under my breath when I answered the door. The word "what" actually escaped my mouth when it happened.
Jason and some accomplices had filled one of the lobby's large metal garbage cans with water and leaned it against the door. The can fell forward, dumping 50 gallons of water into our room in about one second. The playstation was immediately ruined. All the clothes on the floor were soaked. There was an inch of water in the room for an hour.
I had been in jeans with no shoes on. The can had fallen so quickly I hadn't had time to react. It had banged against my right leg, soaking my jeans completely from above the knees to the floor. I ran out of the room screaming. My socks slapped against the hard floor as I searched around the floor in vain.
The halls were empty.
Toby shrieked with laughter in the background.
I had to laugh a little at this one too. I mean, it was crude, but it was pretty funny. And, because the playstation had been Toby's and his parents are rich, he didn't care.
I noticed later, that while Toby and I were planning our revenge, we weren't talking about getting Jason back anymore. We weren't just talking about making people mad at him or making him fail a test. We were actually speaking like we had come to the conclusion that we wanted to take the guy's life apart.
I didn't take my revenge right away, mostly because I really couldn't really think of anything but the last thing I was going to do to him. Toby and I exchanged ideas for a while, but couldn't really come up with anything that would make Jason mad enough to do something to warrant Plan X.
I started off small, hoping to get some inspiration. I put some marbles in the wheel wells of his car. Old prank, I know. They'd bang around making a helluva noise when he first took off, but once centrifugal force kicked in, they're roll with the tire and the noise would stop until he slowed down again. Luckily, he hadn't heard the prank before and lived with the noise for weeks before going to a mechanic.
I left a gallon of milk out for three days and got his roommate to let me into the room again. ("This is the last time, dude. This thing's getting out of control.") I put small drops of the stuff all over his bed and in his pillow. I poured the rest into his actual milk carton in the fridge.
I did the old Toby trick and went to Shirley Hall, having my girlfriend point out to me every ugly girl in the whole damn building and leaving Jason's name, number and a brief message on the doors of every cow in the place.
A week went by and there was seemingly a peace between us. (Because, of course, the fish hadn't been discovered, he had no way to know I was behind the stink bed or rotten milk and he still didn't suspect I'd messed with his car)
I know he suspected me of having all the girls call him, and -- to my endless delight -- he actually agreed to meet with one of them. She called early, before he got 50 calls and realized something was going on. His roommate told me later that Jason and the girl hit it off and met at Hastings for coffee. Hearing him tell the story ("Dude, she was fat. And she had one goddamn eyebrow. It was sooo awkward, but what could I do? She sounded so hot on the phone!") was hilarious enough that I thought about ending it right there. But I knew I couldn't. I had finally completed my idea for the last prank and, though not elaborate, I knew it was something of genius. (hope I haven't built it up so much it's a let down.)
The roommate was in such a good mood after Jason's little date that I convinced him to let me in the room one more time, on the condition that I swear he wasn't in on anything this time and that he must have just forgotten to lock the door. Sounded like a sweet deal to me.
I won't drag this one out, because it's not my best work, but as far as I know it's a Kevin original. It was intended to be enough to piss him off enough to strike back big, and it definitely had the desired effect. (His next attack was a goddamn work of cruel, wasted brilliance.)
When roommate "forgot" to lock the door the next day, I skipped class and took a stapler and three boxes of staples into Jason's room. Each box had 500 staples in it, and I swore to myself I would use every last one of them. I knew I had hours to work with.
I stapled everything I could find. I stapled along the shirtsleeves, neck holes and base seams of every shirt in his closet. All of his pants legs; I stapled every sock closed. I stapled text books together 10 pages at a time. I put staples in pieces of American cheese in the fridge and in the milk carton, putting it back in the fridge to leak over the course of the day.
I stapled his sheets to his bed; stapled his pillowcase closed. I stapled his tube of tooth paste at least 50 times.
I stapled his ties together. If he had had any fish or a hamster, I think I would have stapled them too.
I heard the stapler was out of staples again. The boxes were empty. I stood in the middle of the room, surveying the damage.
I couldn't help but feel I'd gone too far.
It was really therapeutic, actually. He had ruined Toby's playstation, after all. And our room still stank of mildew.
Rumors began to float around that an unbearable smell was beginning to emanate from Jason's room. It was beginning to smell like he was stowing a body in there or something.
The staple gag had gone over pretty harshly on the floor. Toby thought it was hilarious, but a lot of the other guys were thinking it had gone a bit too far. It wasn't exactly like I had ruined anything terribly -- I mean, just little holes in all his clothes. I heard it took him three hours to remove all the staples from his text books. I had hidden some of the staples (remember, I stapled every one of his books in the room about ten pages at a time) in the corners, so I'm sure staples will be discovered in those books as long as they're used.
The weird thing was, though, that Jason hadn't reacted yet. It had been four days since the staple prank, and Jason was still getting phone calls from fat girls in Shirley Hall. I asked around to find out what was going on and got cryptic answers. It was becoming apparent that something was in the works and that several of these guys were in on it. This was actually good news, because 1. I needed him to retaliate in a way that justified what I was about to do and 2. a lot of these guys were going to get caught in the crossfire of my next prank. It helped ease my conscious that they were acting against me.
I have to admit, it was a becoming a little unnerving as I waited. I knew now that he was as capable as me of constructing a devastating attack. I also knew that several devious minds on the floor were probably in on it. To be quite honest, I had hit some of these guys pretty hard over that year, and I was afraid Jason may be gathering his resources to do something truly devastating.
It turned out that "truly devastating" was an understatement. Jason finally found the fish three days later. He burst into mine and Toby's room without a knock. Toby was playing a Marvel game on the playstation and I was reading some novel. He crossed the room to my bed with big, furious strides. I smiled and crossed my hands behind my head.
"Jason. Good to see you."
"You went too far," his eyes were filled with hatred. I noticed he was holding the piece of fish loosely in a plastic bag in his right hand. It had turned a heinous, epic green. In the thirty seconds it had been in the room, a cloud of the most acrid, horrifying smell had filled the space. It would be there hours after the fish.
"You crossed a line this time, man. This smell -- this ****ing smell has pervaded my clothes. It's everywhere; in everything I own. It wasn't enough that you stapled all my stuff -- even that was too far -- I know you were behind my date with that girl. I know about all the dry erase board stuff."
I noticed he didn't mention the marbles. He still must not know about that one.
"Jason," I said, "the shower thing was too far. You were penny locked, for crying out loud. It's happened to me and Toby three times. And I didn't even do it. So you humiliate me in front of 50 strangers? Luckily I'm not easily embarrassed. That might have wrecked someone's college life."
"That wasn't all my idea. Your pal over there had a lot to do with that."
I looked over at Toby, who was smiling from ear to ear. "I had a feeling it wasn't all you, man. But, you have a choice," I said, knowing fully that Jason did, in fact, not have a choice at all, "you can end it now. You lost, but you put up a good show."
I knew this would get him going. He reared back and launched the fish at my head like a baseball. It slapped a horrible sound against my pillow. I cursed at him.
"Put up a good show? It's funny you say that. You have no idea how good a show I've put up yet."
And he was right. Listening to him complain in our room, I almost felt like I was far enough ahead to let him get a good one in. But the plan was too great. I had it worked out so that everyone in the hall would suffer for the next prank and, if everything went to plan, Jason would get the worst of it and suffer the wrath of everyone involved. If the plan carried through, the other guys on the floor would take over the joke war on Jason. It was to become bigger than I could ever make it alone.
But now I was beginning to rethink it.
Jason's next prank had already been committed. I wouldn't discover it until two days later, and it would literally change my life. Jason had become not just the unlucky bastard who was taking the brunt of my creativity; he became an enemy that day. Once I saw what he had done, I not only decided to go on with the plan -- I decided to make it worse than before.
I knew Jason had struck and i knew immediately how bad it was, but I still didn't know exactly what he had done.
The looks I was getting on campus that morning, two days after he threw the fish, told me that he had taken this thing to the next level. I was being snickered and sneered at by strangers everywhere I went. I walked up several times to people I knew who suddenly hushed, making it obvious they had been having a conversation about me. It was really beginning to bother me -- I mean, how could he have done something to me that would garner this kind of attention and keep me in the dark? What could he have done?
I found out that morning, the second I walked into my room after my 11:00 class. Five people from our floor were gathered around Toby's computer, laughing hysterically. I felt my face flush. Whatever had happened was happening in this room. It was something on the internet -- that's why everyone knew about it. I swallowed hard and approached the computer. I pushed two of the guys apart and stared at the screen.
To see footage of my girlfriend and I...on my bed in that very room...and I don't think I have to get much more graphic than that. I could tell immediately that the footage was being shot from my own ***ing closet.
Toby turned to me, not sure whether to smile or not.
"Kevin, how did he do this? When did this happen?"
I tried to find the answers to his questions. I knew when the footage had been shot...but I didn't know how. The camera was in my closet, and I could hear occaisional shufling from behind it on the video. That's when it occurred to me that the camera wasn't on a tripod. He was holding it. He had been in my closet.
"How..." I began, raging beyond belief, "how did you guys know about this?"
A guy named Seth slowly handed me a pink piece of paper. It was a flyer with the web address and a still shot of a scene from the video.
"He put them all over campus yesterday," Set said. I had skipped school yesterday, but -- now that I thought about it -- had gotten weird looks in the caf and at the gym.
"They were everywhere," Seth continued. "Still a lot of them around. The rumour is that he posted, passed out or stacked 1500 copies."
The irony wasn't lost on me; 1500 – the number of fliers Jason was telling people he’d created -- was the number of staples some genius recently left in his room. I remembered leaving the three empty staple boxes on his night stand. He was thorough.
The video Jason had made had been posted on the internet four days previous; the day before he discovered the fish.
It was graphic. It had been a long, steamy session between the two of us. And our sex life was pretty wild even without a video camera.
My first thought was of my girlfriend. Could she have seen it? How could I explain this to her? I mean, even I could hardly believe it was possible this could have been done without my knowledge. I hadn't spoken to her in two days...but that wasn't really that unusual in our relationship.
I called her and got her voicemail without a ring. She had seen the video. It suddenly all made sense. The looks; the snickering in the hallway. Even what Jason had said in our room two days earlier.
My relationship was effectively destroyed. I mean, I was eventually able to convince her that it wasn’t me who posted it and that I had nothing to do with its creation. But once word got around that there was a video of us, everyone from my old high school had seen it. The event was so embarrassing for her that she didn’t want to see me again anyway. And, for your information, I’m still avoiding her father.
(Note: not that it justifies what Jason did, but I’d been looking for a way out of this relationship for a while anyway. And it also allowed me to pursue a few avenues that had opened up for me that semester. Plus, I’m still a legend in my home town because everyone assumes I did the video.)
"Toby..." I said, "if you let him in here...if you had anything to do with this one..."
"Come on, man. I would never go this far. This is...man, this has to be illegal or something. I swear to you, I had nothing to do with this one.”
I found out later that Jason had found out my girlfriend (who was still in high school at the time) would be visiting. He had actually gotten someone to help him pick his way into my room (I never found out who) and had actually hidden in the closet until we got there. How he knew I wouldn't look in there I can't imagine. He must have known what I would have done to him...I still think about that sometimes. What I would have done to him when I saw the camera. He knew about my temper…it was a ballsy move.
Another thing that often occurs to me is that, after the events he posted on the internet actually occurred in the room, she and I hung out in there for at least two hours before leaving the room. He must have hung out in that closet, silently, all that time, just waiting for his chance to escape.
As much as I hate the guy, I've always admired his dedication.
Now that Jason had committed something that everyone around me thought was atrocious, I knew that it was time to go into the first stage of the final prank. The first thing I had to do -- Phase I -- was utilize the fact that practically everyone on the floor was now on my side. This was something I had to make sure Jason was aware of. I had them give him the cold shoulder. I purposefully held planning meetings where he would see -- and acted very suspiciously when he walked in. I needed him to think a floor-wide alliance was forming against him -- you'll see why this was vital later.
The first real act of the prank was to committ something heinous enough to seem like fitting retribution...and to further the image that everyone had acted against him. I spent three nights planning, knowing he had a lengthy night class later in the week. The guys I actually got in on the gag were so pumped when I let them know what we were going to do (only the first part, of course, which will hereby be referred to as Phase II) that they actually met without me a few times to get everything straight.
The big night rolled around and phase II officially began. I had to basically threaten the roommate with bodily harm to let me in the room, because he knew this was going to be a big one. Jason had become furious for his roommate's limited part in the previous stunts -- and was so paranoid about what was to come -- that they weren't even on speaking terms anymore. I finally convinced him that this was going to happen whether he was coerced in any fashion or not. He relented shortly, and eventually even helped us load some of Jason's things. (Load some of Jason's things? Where the hell is this going?)
There were 8 of us in on the actual prank. We had only two and a half hours before Jason's class would be over. Honestly, I was a little surprised he went to the class. He must have known this was my only window to strike.
We backed the three pickups up behind Jones Hall and began moving Jason's things down to the beds of the trucks. I made a mental image of where everything belongs, telling everyone else to do the same, because I wanted it to look as authentic as possible when we reset everything.
Once we got everything loaded, I had all the other guys except Toby drive to the predestined location and begin setting Jason's things up .
"Exactly as it was," I told them as they got the last of Jason's stuff. "Even the trash and dirty clothes on the ground and empty cans on the desk have to be exactly where they were in this room."
As they worked, Toby and I began Phase III -- furthering Jason's alienation and facilitating the war to continue without my involvement.
I pulled from my pocket the map I had been working on since the beginning. It was very colorful (made with map pencils and smiley faces...stuff I knew would really infuriate him)
The map gave a detailed description through pictures and other hilarious stuff exactly where Jason could find his stuff -- in a field about 10 miles outside of town only accessible by a single dirt toad that was almost impossible to find, especially considering that Jason wouldn't find my map until after dark. He drove a small car, which was a huge break for the hillarity of the story, because that meant he wouldn't even be able to get the stuff back tonight if he was somehow able to find it. I had even drawn his crappy little car with his mattresses strapped to the top of it at the site on the map where his stuff would be.
At the bottom of the map, written in red with a big heart after it I had written: "Love, the guys from the second floor." The alienation was building...
Toby and I surveyed the room. Everything was gone: mattresses, desk, computer, lamp, clothes, burea; everything that could be moved from his half of the room was gone, being set up in the middle of a field, a perfection recreation of his bedroom, at that very moment.
It looked like he'd never lived there.
"This is going to be remembered forever," Toby said. This was still before I'd told him we were working on a multi-phase plan.
"You have no idea, man. No idea."
I knew we still had at least 30 minutes until Jason's class would end, which gave us at the very least two hours until he actually arrived at the site. The roommate had gone with the other guys to help setup Jason's new room in the middle of the field, and I really wanted to see it before the big hunt would begin.
I laid the colorful, awesome map in the middle of the floor.
Toby and I piled into my GMC Jimmy and began the drive down 287 to the dirt road that would lead us to our salvation.
I began to explain the rest of my plan to him. This is the part of the movie where you see me explaining my plan to an increasingly amazed compatriot, but you don't actually get to find out what's got him so pumped up until later.
"That's pretty good," he said, sounding unsure.
"It's not pretty good, it's awesome. What's your problem all the sudden?"
"It's just so complicated. Do you know how much acting we're gonna have to do?"
"Don't think of it as acting. Think of it as playing a part in something bigger than yourself."
We continued to discuss the plan, ironing out details that Toby pointed out as we drove. He noticed several key points in this final scheme that I had totally overlooked, and several areas that demanded more attention. It was good to finally share this one with someone else.
It was only just light enough to see when we arrived at the sight. It was the first time I had ever seen anybody laughing so hard they fell out of a vehicle before.
Toby rolled on the ground for several minutes. Every time we saw something that was familiar from Jason's room, we lost it again. They even had everything set exactly to scale of the room, just like I'd drawn it out. The dimensions were all perfect. My stomach hurt so much by the end of the night it killed me to laugh. I was seriously having trouble standing for more than a few seconds at a time.
We continued to survey the damage. One of the funniest things, I have to say, was something I didn't even have anything to do with. One of the guys had a dual car battery that could be charged and used for several hours as a source of AC power, and they had Jason's corner lamp and desk lamp lit up and in their usual spots, and his alarm clock on the nightstand and set to the correct time.
They had really done it up right. I mean, I had memorized the layout of the room to the detail and I only had to make a few adjustments. The funniest thing was putting his porn magazines in their usual "stash" (maybe 10 or so miles off, but still the same old spot) under a stack of books in the bottom right drawer of his desk.
We sat in Jason's new room, laughing hysterically and congratulating ourselves. Toby and I shared the occaisional glance, sometimes laughter, sometimes concern. We were both thinking pretty hard in between fits of laughter about what we would be doing in the next few days.
And I think that we both knew that if it went wrong and we were found out, we would both probably be attending different schools the next year.
We stayed in the field for a few hours, wondering how Jason might react. We agreed that it would take him hours to find the place the map would lead him too (especially since I had mispelled certain road names on purpose and gone on lengthy side quests to Wendy's, for example, suggesting he get a frosty and some fries for energy), so we really weren't in any hurry to leave. When we got back to the dorms, there wasn't any sign of him. I found out later that he'd actually called his parents -- from Colorado for crying out loud -- to come down and help him with his stuff. They all stayed at a hotel. Victory was feeling pretty complete, and I again found myself pondering calling this one a victory.
Then, memories of ten thousand people watching me have sex would flood my brain. I would never again experience certain things...skills....that that particular girl had been very good at again. Because of him. Besides, I had already started the prank. I tried to stop myself from thinking of "Jason's New Room," as it would eventually be called, as a prank in itself, but as what it really was -- a stage in my masterwork.
Phase III -- dedicated to completing the rift between Jason and the entire second floor -- was entering its final stages. It was handy for me that he was staying in a hotel for at least that night. Midterms were coming up, and it was important that some of the things that were to happen soon happened within a certain time element.
I had been working on the letter for about a week, trying to exactly capture Jason's mannerisms and attitude. I worked in the computer lab a few minutes at a time, crafting the thing so that it sounded like Jason talked, and mimiced the style of certain term papers I took from his belongings during Phase II or "Jason's New Room." Reading all his papers to discovery his flaws with the language and recalling his patterns of speech was what took the most amount of work. The really important thing wasn't that it match him perfectly to the eyes of the second floor guys, for whom it was intended, but that it match enough when it came under the scrutiny of school officials, which I was becoming sure it eventually would.
The really important thing was that it was not traceable back to me. Every time I worked on the thing in the computer lab, I waited until someone else left a computer that was logged on. I wasn't even going to leave a trace that I had ever touched the document, just in case their search was that thorough.
And so, the next morning, everyone on the second floor saw and read the following letter (printed exactly) , taped to the elevator, the balcony door, and the entrance to the stairs:
I guess you know this is Jason. You guys have gone too far. Nobody up here even likes Kevin that much you guys are just afraid to do anything he might not like. Well, Im givin up being friends with most of you. Kevin I didn't mean for your girlfriend to find out what happened but i think you know really started all this. I don't think I'm gonna strike back but if I do you all better watch out. Some of you are cool like Matt and Stephen but some of you (you know who you are) really deserve something bad to happen to you.
Notice the carelessness of sentence construction? The lack of any linear grammatical style and the shoddy punctuation? Jason to a T. None of his professors would fail to mark that as his writing style immediately if they saw it. Also notice Jason's broad, sweeping mention of revenge and his feeble apology? Both characteristic of his passive-aggressive behavior. And notice that he mentions two names in the paper -- Matt and Stephen, two guys I had been meaning to get anyway -- and his favoritism. That would come quite in handy for Phase IV -- Jason Strikes Back (Yeah, you read that right.)
Phase III was officially complete. I was able to leave the note up all that night (when most of the guys who mattered were able to read it) and most of the next day, while I knew Jason would be in class. I had to make sure Jason didn't see the note -- suspicion would be a lot easier to displace when everything was in a **** storm later. I made sure rumors of the note were being spready around the floor and to other floors as well. This would make the final portion of Phase IV a lot cleaner.
When Jason didn't come back that afternoon, I began to get a little worried. What if his parents put him up in an apartment for the remainder of the session? They could even move him to a different dorm. The legendary prank was in danger, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.
Toby and I had another planning session late that afternoon, assuming everything would fall into place and the thing would actually happen. I could tell he was nervous, but there wasn't a question in my mind he was with me. We went through the plan a few more times (especially the really dangerous part) until we were sure we had everything planned properly and had allowed ourselves enough time to make everything happen.
Luckily, Jason and his parents began moving his things back in that night. They had to rent a U-Haul trailer to do it. I tried to avoid the lobby as they were moving his stuff back in.
I had been really excited since the first moment this plan began to form itself in my devious brain, but I found myself now so pumped it began to occupy my thoughts constantly. It had been keeping me from sleeping for the past few days. It felt almost like the few days before Christmas, except there was a chance that -- instead of presents -- Santa might bring me an expulsion from school, loss of academic scholarships, the jeopardy of any future career plans and the shame of my parents and future children.
It was mid-term week at my University, and I knew a lot of the guys on the floor had tests sporadically throughout the week. I had decided Tuesday would be the best day for Phase IV because I knew Jason had an 8 a.m. class and most of the other lazy bums on the floor (Toby and I included) didn't have to be in class until 9:30. Toby and I also didn't have any finals on that day, and it wouldn't be a big deal if we missed class. Which we probably would.
It was about halfway through the fall semester of 2003.
My roommate Toby and I awoke at 6 a.m. It wasn't that we were early risers -- in fact, we shared a 9 a.m. history class that we had attended a combined 10 times or so. But this would be worth it. We were going to pull off a prank that would ruin the life of someone who had tried to ruin mine. The prank was had escalated to the point of being out of anyone's control, but we were going to end it that day.
The prank -- the final prank we've all been waiting for -- began at 6 a.m. and had to end by 7:30. We were cutting the time a little short, but it was absolutely imperative that noone see us. Not a single person could know we were responsible, or the entire thing was up. Stealth was vital. We got two plastic grocery bags and gathered the things we would need for the first major portion of "Phase IV: Jason Strikes Back": several cans of shaving cream, sharpie markers, a couple tubes of knockoff KY, several rolls of pennies, a box of Cocoa Puffs (Jason's favorite cereal) and various other condiments I had noticed in Jason's fridge when we moved his room (I had made a list of everything they had in the fridge and then gone to United to make identical purchases) and a long, sturdy piece of rope and I grabbed my backpack.
We started at the door next to ours. The guys who lived here...Travis and Tucker (Tucker was a notorious drunk by the way...I have several hillarious stories about him and I'm surprised he's mentioned here for the first time). We each grabbed a can of shaving cream and got to work on the door. We covered it in the stuff. We also spready KY all over the door knob. Then, we moved on. We did each door on the second floor in a different design with different condiments and stuff. Some we just did in shaving cream and then threw handfulls of Cocoa Puffs at it; some we only covered in Heinz 57 sauce; a sauce Jason was notorious for putting on everything; We wrote nasty messages on some of the doors; and really trashed the ones of the guys who had been in with my on Phase III. Because now, everyone knew that Jason knew who had helped me. (I had made sure of that.)
Of course, you'll remember from the note that a couple of the guys (Matt and Stephen) had been noted as "cool" in Jason's note. Their door hardly got it at all. Just a slight slathering of shaving cream. Awesome.
Of course, Jason's door got nothing. Jason and his roommate's door was as clean as the day it was produced.
Toby and I went mad on our own door. I mean we went crazy. We wrote every curse word we could think of in marker all around the door and even on the wall around it. I even wrote a particularly vile word down the hall a way and made a path of arrows leading along the wall to our room. We used all the sauce we had (we'd done every door at this point) as well as all the KY we had left. I mean we used everything we had. It was a total ******* mess. Of course, we left the doorknob totally clean, because if it looked like it had been used, everything would have been blown. I kept a little KY to do the doorknob up later.
The next phase entailed Toby and I penny locking all the doors on the floor we had a chance too. We each took our stacks and made sure to lock the doors of the guys who were really in on the prank first. Looking down at my watch, I realized more time had elapsed than I had hoped. It was 7:15; Jason always got up at around 7:30 for his class. Suddenly, we were in a huge hurry. We had pennylocked five doors, which would have to do. We ran to our own. He went into the room, laughing a little, and closed the door.
"Good luck, dude. Don't fall!" He called quietly after me.
I began to penny lock my own door. This was the brilliance of the plan.
Once the locking was done, I covered the knob in the lubricant I had left and picked up some Cocoa Puffs from the floor, spreading them evenly over the knob.
Quickly, I stuffed everything into the backpack and made a break for it. This next part of the prank was definitely the most dangerous, both physically and by way of getting busted for what was going on.
I charged outsie, stuffing my backpack with everything except the rope and zipping it up. We had taken our window off the hinges the night before, and he was already ready when I got to the side of the building with our window. I heaved up the rope (sometimes I still wonder why he just didn't hold onto it and throw it down to me) and he grabbed it and began to tie it to a large, metal-framed chair that was bolted into the floor. I had been hoping for nights that it was bolted strongly enough.
The climb was a tough one, especially because I hadn't had time to clean myself up like I wanted and my hands were covered with all types of slippery goop. I scraped the hell out of my knees and an elbow, but I made it up without too much trouble.
Then, we stood in the room, me breathing heavily and him smiling. We were in the room now. Penny-locked in.
Jason would awaken shortly. I knew he would head first to the shower, but I wasn't sure if he had seen what we had done to him.
That's how I always imagined it -- him seeing the damage and assuming it was me. Then he would walk around the floor, seeing all the carnage wrought. Then he would see my door and he would wonder: "What the hell is going on here...who did this?" And then it would occur to him.
He would never find out who did it, but it would be he, Jason, who took the blame.
It turns out he never even saw anything. He went straight to the shower without glancing at another door. I'm sure if he had seen anything, he just assumed it was something unrelated to him.
Our phone started ringing at about 9 a.m.
"Dude, we're locked in!"
People started banging on the door. I could hear them laughing.
"Kevin, dude! You should see what he did! Dude he did our door too, but he went totally all out on yours!" Oh man, he locked you in there! That's priceless!"
The guys Toby and I were able to penny lock in time were not so forgiving.
I think Set summed it up in a phone call about an hour later when he said:
"How can he not realize what he's done? He's alienated any ally he might have had. His life is officially ruined, and there's still almost three months left in the semester. He's not going to be able to take a shower or sit on the toilet in peace for the rest of the time he's here. They're going to be relentless."
And Seth was right.
(All Credit goes to Mass_Confuscion of GameFaqs.com)
It was April Fool's day, and last year (2006), i decided to play a prank on my mom. I went and got some saran wrap and put it on the toilet seat. 2 hours later she comes home and says she has the stomach flu, she rushes to the bathroom and afterwards she yells and says get me a towel quick, do you want it to dry? it was sooo funny, i never did tell her that i did it but she wants to foret it anyway!!!
Flour on the Roof
We were at Falls Creek which is a church camp in Oklahoma. The night before, the girls had snuck across the kitchen and blew an air horn in our dorm and when one of the guys went out to see what was going on, he got creamed with mouse and other various hair products.
Now, being the devious person that I am, (the youth minister) I decided to get them back. So we launched a plan. This would go down as one of the greatest pranks in Falls Creek history.
It was Friday night. We had just finished our devotion for the evening and were about to go to bed. It was late. We needed a patsy. So we talked a rookie counselor into running out of the dorm with most of the boys in tow, screaming and yelling at the top of our lungs. This naturally brought the girls running out of their dorm to see what was going on. As we chased the young man outside, the girls followed. Not realizing that they were running right into our hands. We had people hidden in a trailer beside the cabin with water. As the girls ran out, they could do nothing but scream as the water came at then from all directions. Then, the kicker. We had several of our finest baseball players ON TOP OF THE ROOF. They all had massive amounts of flour in cups. Someone said the magic word and it just started raining flour. The whole alley in between cabins looked like 200 smoke bombs had gone off at once. So there were like 20 girls standing there, covered in chicken fry. Dazed, they had no idea what had happened. It took us 3 hours to fully clean up the mess. It took them even longer to figure out how badly they were suckered. It was as if the hand of Mozart stepped out and orchestrated the whole thing. We decided to call it, "The Battle at Finkery Hill" due to the amount of Finkery that went on before we pulled it off. I don't think the boys slept at all that night, it lead to one of the biggest fights I have ever had with my wife, and the girls are still trying to come up with something for this year.
i put glue on the chair so when my dad sat down the chair stuck to him for a week
Someone stole my car!
My sister and her new quiet,shy, and very backwards boyfriend borrowed my car to go on a date, and I was going on one myself. I had my friend take me to the restaurant that my sister said the her boyfriend was taking her, which was a nice place, and I ran in, screaming that someone had stole my car, I even had tears in my eyes, yelling call 911, someone has stollen my car, and my sister then, is trying to remind me(so she thought) that I had let them borrow it, and I started accusing her friend of stealing my car, he was so embarrassed that he ran into the womans restroom without even knowing. And I followed him, and when I came out, there was about 25 people standing there wanting to give me some help. I just calmly left the restaurant with my friend and left my sister and her date standing there in awe wandering what to do.
Pee Wee Herman
I was at a sleepover one time and did this PRANK on my older Cousin. when she fell asleep I put her hand in warm water and she PEED HER PANTS!!! It was so funny, even She laughed!
My roommate in college used to pull this one all the time. He could hit the key in his car so that it would turn off without being obvious that he had turned the car off, then get the passenger(s) to give him a push start. When they got behind the car he would start up and take off.
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